Alright. Lately I have been seeing a lot of people post on various websites negative reflections of their lives. How awful things are going, how bad they feel, etc. A lot of can be quite saddening (especially when the same people keep doing it over and over). I am not saying that I hate it. I really understand how some things can bring us all down, but I am hoping to sort of inspire people to remember there is an inner strength in which we all can access to remind us how things can (and will) get better.
So I'm going to inform people of my 'situation'. I am not looking for sympathy, pity, or help. I do not require or ask for any of those.
First off, I am a military wife. So of course I have to deal with deployments or my husband going TAD for a certain amount of time (which varies). Currently, I am going through my first deployment. Amazing since we have been married for four years and this is our first time apart for a very long time. I have dealt with him being gone before though.
For me, though, it's not much of a 'standard' deployment. I know many wives have children to raise while their husbands are gone, or have babies while their husbands are gone. Aaron and I have no such thing going on in our lives (we are not yet ready for children) but I am currently disabled. I had a surgical procedure performed on a part of my body that makes it extremely difficult to accomplish things entirely on my own. This is because I am on crutches and only have the use of one foot. Although this sounds slightly challenging, it can be a lot more difficult then one might expect. Moving around at any speed other than mediocre is nearly impossible to accomplish since I cannot apply pressure to both of my feet. These difficulties range all over the place. Lately it's been raining a lot...well that's a problem because I have to move very slowly or I will slip and fall (and I have slipped quite a few times, but fortunately I have not fallen-and hope I don't at all). Taking a shower requires wrapping my leg up and sitting on a stool in the shower (courtesy of my mom). Getting food from the kitchen requires slow movements, setting things down on the counter, moving a few feet, picking it up again and moving it closer to the dining room table, setting it down, then moving again (repeating this process until I reach my destination)-thank goodness I have a small apartment though, because a large house would require more time to move around in lol. Even getting dressed and doing laundry can be an aggravation. I basically have to move something, move myself, then move that object again until I reach the place I am setting to go. All very menial but time consuming nonetheless. It would certainly be a lot simpler if my husband were here to help me.
I have actually fallen. I was standing up and I was attempting to brush my hair. In order to do this I need to hold on to one of my crutches and balance myself while I brush my hair with my other hand. At one point in trying to situate myself, I lost my balance. I fell backward and tried to grab something nearest me, while throwing my leg upward (because putting pressure on it would create more problems than just falling flat). Well my hand went out wildly and I ended up slamming my arm into my bookshelf, falling backward and hitting my head on the ground. Honestly, if you're to the point of laughing right now, please go ahead and do so. I certainly did. Really, I wanted to cry. I mean, who falls doing something so simple? I felt ridiculously helpless. And because of that...all I could really do was laugh. And wish my sister had been in that room at the time so she could have seen it but grateful she wasn't because it is pretty embarrassing. (Another time I fell I landed on the couch, so it wasn't nearly as bad, even though I cracked my head on the corner of the laptop, but it wasn't nearly as funny, either)
And I could complain. I suppose. But really I shall take a positive spin on it...for example, it is requiring me to do a little more physical activity then I would have to if I had help.
I suppose the other problem I have is the fact that I need rides everywhere. This is probably my biggest problem. I am used to being an extremely independent person, who does everything she needs to on her own time and in her own way. Well...kind of difficult right now because I cannot drive (I have a clutch car, so I need both feet for this operation). I try to combine all the errands I need to run in one day so I am not taking up too much time with the person(s) who is willing to help me accomplish these things. But I guess the positive thing is that I am saving gas money! (But I really do miss my car...she's such a beauty. And no one wants to drive her in the rain because they fear something may go wrong).
The healing process for my surgical procedure is about halfway through. I have moments where I am completely frustrated, and I have moments where I am doing okay. I have 4-6 weeks (starting later this week) where I will be put in a 'moon boot' and be able to walk around a little bit better, that is to say I can put pressure on the foot if it doesn't hurt to much. After that I will be undergoing physical therapy, and the length of time on that will depend upon how long it takes to strengthen my foot back up to how it used to operate. All of this adds up to the span of while my husband is deployed, so it's almost as though I am going through it on my own. (Don't get me wrong, my husband really wishes he could be here, as do I, for the support and reliability we both know he can and would offer me).
A lot of what I am saying is this: Yes life is hard. Situations can seem nearly impossible to get through, and sometimes we find ourselves placed into moments where everywhere we turn it feels as though it is despairing and there is no hope for us. But really, there is. We may not always see it, but every dark tunnel has a light at the end of it. It may even be raining at the end of it, but it doesn't rain forever. Everything is a cycle, and we keep getting through it. All the storms pass. There will always be new ones, but there will always be sunshine too. And I know that the end of the tunnel will be better depending on how I perceive it. My life gets better every year. It gets worse at times, and I have problems, but it also gets better because as I make it through those experiences and times, I manage to learn and gather something from it and move on. I am just hoping to remind anyone who is feeling upset, or down, or angry about their current situation that you have been through this before. Maybe it has been something different, but you have had to deal with dark days before and there was an end to it. It may not have been all rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns afterward, but there was a brief reprieve of the darkness you had to endure so that you could live for another day. If you can do it once, you can do it again. Life is given to us in a beautiful moment...let us not take advantage of it by despairing, but remember to rejoice and celebrate it in the chances we have to see the beauty. Even a storm can be beautiful, we just have to be willing to see it.
I hope this helps.
